So why haven't you updated in almost a year?
Shit, has it been that long? Wow, time flies when you've been...uh, living in a place that's...a different country? Actually, I haven't done anything noteworthy or even blogworthy for the past ten months, so it's not that I've lacked the will to write, I've just lacked the way-
-pfft, yeah right. I've done plenty of cool shit since now, and even if I hadn't, I'd still be able to convince you I have with the magic these silver fingers can spin. I climbed up Snow Mountain and didn't write a whisper. I regret that actually. The truth is, when you live in a place for a bit of time the novelty of it starts to wear off. For people that live far away from the tropical embrace of Taiwan this might seem like a copout. It probably is. But I know for damn sure I wouldn't be blogging every other week back home, even if I was going out on cool hikes, or tracing up waterfalls, or getting threatened by gangsters in some shitty little club. Ok, that last one might get an @mention on facebook.
So what? Taiwan isn't home. But that's just it. It's starting to feel like a home away from home. It never will be, and that's why I'm heading back in the middle of next month. I fully intend to load some meat on this weary frame, drink fine wine, and pet the hell out of my cat. And while I do those things, I'm sure there'll be a few things that I miss about Taiwan- convenient public transportation, cheap delicious beverages at 7-11's positioned FIVE MINUTES from my doorstep, the sheer multitude of long-limbed beauties...it feels like I take these things for granted because I've been here so long. I just accept them as truths of Taiwan.
Besides, when you go on the same hike four times, you don't know what you can say differently about it. Hell, the entry before this one, the Pingxi-Xizhi hike, I make it sound like an epic undertaking in that post. Well, I've gone on it three more times since, and while it's fun, I don't even bring my camera anymore. I feel privileged to have such an awesome hike in my backyard, and, in a way, I hardly think it's a problem to be doing exciting things so regularly you don't feel the inclination to blog about them. Maybe I shouldn't be a blogger then.
One of the other things I realized was this blog was the height of self-indulgence. As if it's not self-indulgent to list the reasons why I'm not writing it, but I don't think anybody who's reading is going to cry foul over this conceit. When this was in full swing, I'd write an article, pain-stakingly edit it (most of them), and then admire it in all of its hollow glory. And that's what it was, I just didn't realize it at the time. Now, if some of you were to come to my defense and protest that this blog has introduced you to some awesome hikes, or given you a window into a life you might otherwise have not experienced, I'm all for it. But I realized that I could be doing a lot better things with my time, like really getting to know the people around me, rather than scheduling something once a week, ignoring them while I blog about my time, then meeting again. That's why I'm suspicious of someone who's constantly blogging about all the MEGA AWESOME STUFF they're doing...because it means they're a hollow, selfish person just living for themselves, or they're blog is full of boring personal shit only they can relate to. The human interaction that goes on with real friends, where you start to delve into matters of the heart, where you get to see a kindred soul in the other person...that makes terrible blogging material, partly because it's usually just people sitting around at someone's house shooting the shit, and partly because what really makes that particular night's tongue-wagging interesting to you requires a bit of backstory. As in, it's really only relevant to you. And backstory is a bitch to make interesting anyway.
I've got one last thing to post before I'm out, but it's probably the most important. I am a teacher. For some people it might be the job they're doing right now, and they don't really identify with it too strongly. Well, I do. And even when I'm not in class I'm thinking of what to do better, or what I did wrong yesterday, or two days ago, or how I can make things more interesting. Sometimes, this isn't deliberate, or even desired. I feel strongly attached to the kids I teach and the people I teach with. So, when the choice is to spend time writing up a weekend jaunt when I could be searching for new games to test, or coming up with my own, I'm more willing to do the latter. Now, I don't want to make myself out to be some mature, highly-disciplined individual who doesn't waste time. I play flash games all the time. Yes, the last one is a stupid clicking idler, and not even the kind where you force grandmas to bake cookies for you.
It's just that now when I waste time I feel guilty about it.
It's odd, there was a point where I felt like I had a handle on teaching and I was a pretty solid teacher. Part of me thinks it's because I was still a mediocre teacher in disguise who just didn't know his own inadequacies. I strutted around feeling confident and was able to fool the people around me, and myself. At some point I finally woke up to it. I started to identify what I perceived to be weaknesses and worked hard to rectify them.
But I don't think this is particularly healthy either. You can work hard to correct something that only you think is a problem...and never feel satisfied with the results. People won't know what you're doing or what you're aiming for, only that you're wearing yourself out. So now I'm trying to bring it back down, trying to find that easy-going vibe I felt in the beginning, but with the knowledge I have now. The best of both worlds. I'm still working hard to be a good teacher, a great teacher, just not a better teacher than I can be. Because you go down that road and it becomes a slippery slope, one that doesn't end in happiness.
That's why I'm writing this post. Because it all comes full circle. I came here determined to go on adventures every weekend, convinced of my own noble aim to enlighten the unwashed, ignorant masses of the splendor of Formosa...and I did. Then I wanted something more genuine, and I decided to pour myself into teaching. Now that I'm going back home, I realize just how tired I am of constantly being in teacher mode. So maybe it's time to resurrect this blog. Time to range farther afield and indulge in new vistas...and my own literary wit. Because, truth be told, my skills have atrophied considerably. And they're not going to be flexed considerably by writing heavily abridged scripts to the Princess and the Frog or Beauty in the Beast for my eight-year-old students.
Those scripts are still going to kick ass by the way.
No, time to sit naked on this red pleather chair of mine and batter away at the keys of my computer, keys covered in booger residue and other lesser known substances. All patrons, old and new, are welcome.
p.s. Kelsey and Brian, thanks for sparking a flame that was barely flickering, and might've died out, but for your words.
It's odd, there was a point where I felt like I had a handle on teaching and I was a pretty solid teacher. Part of me thinks it's because I was still a mediocre teacher in disguise who just didn't know his own inadequacies. I strutted around feeling confident and was able to fool the people around me, and myself. At some point I finally woke up to it. I started to identify what I perceived to be weaknesses and worked hard to rectify them.
But I don't think this is particularly healthy either. You can work hard to correct something that only you think is a problem...and never feel satisfied with the results. People won't know what you're doing or what you're aiming for, only that you're wearing yourself out. So now I'm trying to bring it back down, trying to find that easy-going vibe I felt in the beginning, but with the knowledge I have now. The best of both worlds. I'm still working hard to be a good teacher, a great teacher, just not a better teacher than I can be. Because you go down that road and it becomes a slippery slope, one that doesn't end in happiness.
That's why I'm writing this post. Because it all comes full circle. I came here determined to go on adventures every weekend, convinced of my own noble aim to enlighten the unwashed, ignorant masses of the splendor of Formosa...and I did. Then I wanted something more genuine, and I decided to pour myself into teaching. Now that I'm going back home, I realize just how tired I am of constantly being in teacher mode. So maybe it's time to resurrect this blog. Time to range farther afield and indulge in new vistas...and my own literary wit. Because, truth be told, my skills have atrophied considerably. And they're not going to be flexed considerably by writing heavily abridged scripts to the Princess and the Frog or Beauty in the Beast for my eight-year-old students.
Those scripts are still going to kick ass by the way.
No, time to sit naked on this red pleather chair of mine and batter away at the keys of my computer, keys covered in booger residue and other lesser known substances. All patrons, old and new, are welcome.
p.s. Kelsey and Brian, thanks for sparking a flame that was barely flickering, and might've died out, but for your words.
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