Magic Prerelease

 幻想遊戲世界, Fantasy Card Shop.  The address is: 106台北市大安區新生南路三段94巷10號.  If you don't know Chinese, tough shit.  I mean, the address is: 106 Taipei City, Da'an District, Xinsheng South Rd. 3rd Section, 94th Alley, #10.  That's the best approximation in English. The closest MRT stop is Gongguan on the green line, and it's within easy walking distance. 

Signing up for the Saturday prerelease was simple, I sent an e-mail with my DCI number to reserve a spot.  This ended up being completely unnecessary since they didn’t specify a time slot.  I came around 12pm, paid $800NT for my packs ($24 US) and waited around in a coffee shop for the 1:30 flight to begin.  The narrow shop and its small shitty tables were packed to the gills with players…ah just like home.  I saw one other white guy, and waved.  Subject showed signs of human-like empathy by waving back.  I heard him speak Chinese.  Wasn’t better than mine.

Typical cramped spaces with uncomfortable seating?  Check.  Ohp, is that a girl?

Pretty cool decor.

In Taiwan, or at least at this shop, they handed me my product and just told me to bring it around when the flight started.  That would never fly back home.  Ended up choosing Selesnya, with my ally being Simic.  Hmm, should be interesting.  Well it wasn’t.   The three youngsters around my table were opening up shit like Razia and Ral Zarek...I mean I opened Rurik Thar, so I couldn't really complain, but I'm Stephen Hopkins, so I'll complain all I want.  Those three guys were a riot, especially the fatter one.  This was their first time at a sanctioned event and you could tell they (especially the big dude) were all about just having fun.

First timers.  Fun bunch.

The garbage rare in my Selesnya pack was Growing Ranks, and that pack, along with what I opened, denied the Selesnya option (knew I should’ve fucking gone Boros).  My Simic pack, on the other hand, was full of playables, and red was looking solid too.  You know what that means.

GODAMMIT, HAD TO PLAY SHITTY G/U/R, THE MOST AESTHETICALLY UNPLEASING COLOR TRIO IN MAGIC.

I ended up playing a shell of G/U/R with a splash of the other two colors.  My deck was domain and clunky as all hell, but it was the best I could come up with in the time allotted.  And I actually needed all of it this time, when I'm usually one of the first done.  Even with my near photographic memory for Magic cards, having everything in Chinese was more than I could handle.  We had to register our cards too, which was a major fucking pain in the ass (who makes you do that anymore?).  Here’s what I ended up playing with:

Artifact:

Izzet Cluestone

Orzhov Cluestone

Multi:

Turn/Burn (awesome card)

Catch/Release

Ruric Thar, the Unbowed

Mystic Genesis

Drakewing Krasis

Krasis Incubation (another awesome card)

Unflinching Courage (gay reprint)

Elusive Krasis

Korozda Gorgon

Red:

Punish the Enemy

Smelt-Ward Gatekeepers

Rubblebelt Maaka

Blue:

Simic Fluxmage

Cloudfin Raptor

Green:

Rubbleback Rhino

Ivy Lane Denizen

Greenside Watcher

Experiment One

Battering Krasis

Thrashing Mossdog

Archweaver

Looks like a shit pile of cards, right?  Well, it was.  There was a lot of evolve going on, and some cool tricks I could do with Korozda Gorgon (or the Denizen which I never really got to use) and Simic Fluxmage.  I got decent removal, but my creatures all felt kind of eh.  Mystic Genesis wasn’t bad the one time I cast it.  If you look at it in a certain way, it’s kind of like an instant speed control magic...if they play a creature with no abilities…

Ruric Thar was disappointing.  Every time I drew him (twice) I felt like laughing.  Here was this awesome guy that should’ve won me the game, but my opponent’s side was gummed up with deathtouch guys.  Or I drew him and I was at such a precariously low life total that he couldn’t save me AND I wouldn’t be able to cast noncreature spells.  I don’t really know if this was the right deck to play, as it was capable of some powerful interactions, and looked much better than forcing a consistent (yet mediocre) W/U/G deck splashing red.  I didn’t even have that much populate, so I wouldn’t be able to swarm my opponent anyway.  Deck building was a disappointing way to start the day.

Good idea...they had this at every table.  Would be nice if every gaming store had this.

I think my round one opponent was playing Rakdos, and got in with some quick beats before I shut up him out with card advantage in games 2 and 3.  He beat my ass game 1 with Madcap Skills on some two-drop creature.  I was able to Turn/Burn it, and was just about to stabilize when he burned me out with Explosive Impact.  2nd game he played a Stab Wound on my 3/3 reach guy and attacked in with a Daggerclaw Imp.  He was surprised when I put my guy in front of his imp and saved myself 2 damage a turn.  This wasn't the last time his attack-happy play style would allow me to play my cards right and set myself up for optimal blocks.  A timely Turn/Burn against a newly minted Carnage Gladiator destroyed his chances in Game 2.  You could tell he was a newish player because he tried to do something to my hexproof rhino and I just shook my head.  He laughed to his friend playing to his side at this newbish misplay.  A lot of the people seemed to come in groups…no one was really by themselves, which I liked. Turn/Burn (I hate the name of these fucking split cards.  Whose idea was it to make every one of them some cute little catchphrase?  Oh, I know.  THAT FUCKING KEEBLER ELF PIECE OF SHIT) performed admirably here.  I was able to two for one people with it most times I brought it out.  Of course I can do that with Martial Glory (+3/+0 suckah!) and it doesn’t cost five mana.  Dragon’s Maze definitely slows the format down.

Ding Jia Hui, nice playing you man.

Between rounds we got to see the progress of our guilds through the Maze.  Azorius was the only guild that did not advance at all after the first round.  We all laughed at that.  I in particular found it funny, barking out in my annoying trademark seal laugh.  Selesnya actually made it to the end first, along with Rakdos and Golgari.  For our victories…we were awarded a Planeswalker Point, which I immediately binned.  What a let down.  Kind of like opening the Helavault…wow you guys couldn’t give us more cards?  How much does that stuff really cost you to print?

HAHAHAHA, I guess when they say Azorius is the slowest guild THEY AIN'T LYIN'!  What's that?  Oh yeah, Simic is slower...

My round 2 opponent was a nice guy playing an Orzhov shell with Boros.  Game 1 he just kept playing guys and sucking life out of me with extort.  I was able to play Ruric Thar and force a double block that weakened his board, but I accidentally cast a noncreature spell mid-combat while at six life to save Ruric.  He graciously let me avoid seppuku and we kept playing.  The removal spell I wasn’t able to play was used next turn to good effect and after crippling his board he used Gaze of Stone to wipe the slate clean.  It was an act of desperation as it seemed like he had little to build with.  I recovered quickly and it was on to game 2.  I think I surprised him when I told him I’d play first.  After all, I explained, I actually killed myself in game 1, and he had just given me a chance to play it out.  I told him I didn’t give a shit about the prizes (which I didn’t, especially not after building such an unexciting deck).  Game 2 he was mana screwed and I was out of the gates relatively quickly with some evolve creatures.  Krasis Incubation on my own creatures was solid; once I was at 7 mana I was just getting 2 +1/+1 counters every turn.  It was over shortly thereafter.  Game 3 I think I got manafucked, I don’t remember.  Anyway, I lost.  It was embarrassing to make such a newb mistake with Ruric Thar.  My opponent chalked it up to me not being so clear with the Chinese, but I knew I might’ve made the same mistake back home.  I think it’s because I haven’t played in close to three months.  Yet despite this, all my opponents were very willing to accommodate my shitty plays.

Yan Yong Da recognizes who the true master is.  Called him a vampire because he kept on extorting my ass.

My round 3 opponent had a solid deck…I had no idea how he had one loss.  He was playing B/G/W with the mushroom troll and Advent of the Wurm, with plenty of good populate.  This guy always seemed to have a way to deal with my Armadillo Cloaks, and then he’d play one himself.  Game 1 was a royal fuck up on my part, which no amount of language barrier should’ve been responsible for.  I get in for some quick beats and get him down to 5, and then he plays a Stab Wound on my 3/3 bloodrush guy.  Like a fucking idiot I keep holding him back to block with instead of attacking for one damage a turn and trying to finish him off.  This gives him time to build up a massive board, including the 4/5 that grants deathtouch to all his multicolored creatures (awesome) and a Korozda Gorgon of his own, which starts blowing up my guys until I pull the trigger and use Turn/Burn.  Lots of misplays on my part this game.   Mystic Genesis gets a 3/3 in this game (forget what it stops, but this card is so much better in sealed than draft).  Play keeps passing without much happening, all the while sucking on 2 during my upkeep until I draw and play both sides of Catch/Release, hoping to wipe out a relevant part of his board.  After this play (I elect to not sacrifice the creature with Stab Wound, as he has a creature with Armadillo Cloak, and the active player is the one who sacrifices first I guess.  That’s what the judge says) I realize my error and start attacking with my wounded guy, but it’s too late.  I’m fucked.  Stab Wound gets me for the rest of the damage before I’m able to finish him off. 

I didn't write this guy's name down...oops.

Game 2 I make several more misplays, like trying to evolve my Drakewing Krassis, but he also misunderstands some of my plays too, like moving counters with my Simic Fluxcaster to other creatures.  His friend to the side questions his literacy in Chinese.  He asks him if he needs the cards in English, but wait, he can’t understand that either.  My opponent grins.  I land a cloak and get in one good attack before my creature eats shit.  Then my opponent has one of his own.  Then he lands an Advent of the Wurm.  Then he populates.  I quickly tap.

Round 4…does not exist.  I remember in China they only played three rounds in their tournaments too.  Maybe because there’re so many people and relatively few card shops?  I didn’t mind, as I was not really in the mood to keep playing with my shit deck (but would’ve done so, out of the spirit of thrift and getting my money’s worth).  For my one victory I received 1 booster, which nabbed me a Vorel of the Hull Clade…cool.   

I thought of blowing another $800NT and sticking around for the next flight at 6:00, but it would’ve gone until 9:30, and while it was fun to talk to some of the local gamers and play in Chinese (even that one time really helped me understand some game terms in Chinese), if I had no friends here I didn’t see the point.  Especially with the possibility of drafting another shitty deck.

I made some trades with the three kids I had talked to at the beginning.  I was just going to give away whatever cards they wanted, since I don't see myself playing Magic here enough to be able to build anything competitive, and I was only going to make the trek out to play booster draft anyway.  They said that it wouldn't feel right to them...so I basically gave away my Ruric Thar for a Plasm Capture (the new Mana Drain variant) and Pyrewild Shaman, a card that reminds me of Hammer of Bogarden.  Yes I know it's not nearly as good Bryce, shut up.  It only reminds me of hammer, kind of like Maze's End reminds me of Thawing Glaciers...a card that will never be equalled.

After the prerelease I walked around Taiwan U and took some artsy pictures to drown my sorrows.  Also I sat in the bushes as hot chicks walked by and masturbated to their creamy thighs.  UH, I mean I walked around because I didn't want to return to bumfuck Xizhi right away.

Well, UW definitely doesn't have a coconut lined boulevard.

The Taiwan U campus is expansive and really quite handsome.  Reminds me of the University of Washington, with  the classic red-brick structures, and the generous helping of greenery everywhere.

This imposing structure is the school library.  Want to check it out next time.

Space opera becomes Chinese opera?

On the way to the farming area...picturesque watermill on right, romantic couple on left.

They have a farm and garden directly on campus that seemingly transports you outside the city, as well as a pond with all the ecological amenities thereof.  I'll definitely be coming back here to spend a full afternoon just to relax and read outside.  There'd be worse places to do so.

Part of the biology department I think...they always get the coolest shit.